More on Open Questions
Last week’s newsletter about asking wide open questions received great feedback, so I thought I’d share a few of the reader comments that caught my attention.
Police Interrogations
One reader wrote to say her family has a bad habit of asking closed questions in rapid succession, making questions about what we want to have for dinner (for example) feel like a police interrogation.
She raises a good point: one good, wide open question can often replace a half-dozen closed ones. And without feeling like you’ve put someone on trial.
Focused Questions
Another reader wrote to say that she calls wide open questions focused questions. She said closed questions and mildly open questions felt like being “lobbed a vague mush ball.” Who wants a vague mush ball? No one.
I like her language of focused questions because she’s right—the wider open questions actually do focus the conversation more on the topic at hand, raising the importance of the topic in the process. But they also focus the question on the other person.
Better questions are a way of saying, “I really want to know what you think.” Closed questions, and especially closed questions like “how are you?,” can be so scripted that they feel unfocused: no one is really paying attention unless you break the script.
So break the script. Focus your questions, which will lead to a better conversation AND to your conversation partner knowing they have your true attention.
Do I have to do this all the time?
Finally, introverts called into question the need to always ask wide open questions, or always give your focused attention to a conversation. Don’t you sometimes just want to offer a polite greeting and then be on your way?
Sure. I know I do, sometimes.
So invest your attention on changing the questions in conversations that matter to you, with the people who matter most.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash