What conversation are you ignoring?
Not long ago, there was a dust bunny that collected on my bathroom’s tile floor. Gathering strength from bits of spilled shampoo and towel lint, it festered in a corner by the bathtub for weeks.
Each time I saw it, I thought, “I wish someone would take care of that.” It took three weeks of seeing it regularly (and feeling a mild irritation toward its continued presence) before I realized, I’m the adult here. There is no one to take care of it but me.
You’ve done this too, right? You’ve found yourself annoyed by something and wished it would change, all the while overlooking the fact that you are the one who can take care of it? As if the outcomes could change without my effort.
If we want stronger relationships and more productive work, we have to pay attention to the dust bunnies that are forming in our conversations. We’re the adults here; we’re responsible.
Are there conversations in your life that need attention? You can find them by looking for the RUTS.
RUTS are conversations in need of attention because they are:
Routine: You have the same conversation over and over, but nothing ever changes.
Uncertain: The future isn’t clear, and neither are the next steps. It feels easier to ignore the conversation—but that’s a strategy that can backfire.
Tense: The topic is heated, making it tough to know how to get started. Emotions are running high, and people are frustrated or divided.
Serious: The conversation is too big to fail. The topic is really important to you so you’re afraid to get it wrong.
When you have a conversation that is in the RUTS, it’s a clear signal to pause before proceeding. Don’t plow ahead; instead, think about how to frame questions that will launch the conversation in the direction you want to go.
Our questions are fateful—they lead us to new places. Frame your questions with care, and you’ll move out of the RUTS and into productive, meaningful conversation.
START HERE: This week, ask yourself, where are my conversations in the RUTS? Identify a few. In the next newsletter, we’ll talk more about the qualities of good questions that help you overcome the RUTS.
Photo by Johannes Krupinski on Unsplash
